my name is shaun

My name is Shaun; I am age three
my eyes are swollen, i can barely see
I must've been stupid, I must've been bad
what else could've made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly
then maybe my own daddy would hug me.
I can't speak at all, I can't do wrong
or else I'm locked in my room, all day long
when I awake, I am all-alone
The house is dark and my parents aren't home,
when mommy does come, I will try and be nice
maybe then I'll get just one wooping tonight
Daddy's home early, I hear him coming !
I'm so scared now,that my heart is running
I hear him curse and he calls my name,
why do I feel so much shame
I press myself against the wall,
Then crouch down into a ball
As I try to hide from his evil eyes
I am so afraid that I start to cry
He finds me weeping and shouts ugly words
He says it's all my fault he suffers at work
he slaps me and hits me and yells at me more
I finally get free and run for the door
He's already locked it, and I start to ball
He grabs me and trows me hard against the wall
I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken,
and my daddy continues with more bad words spoken
I scream "I am sorry daddy", but it's to late
His face is now twisted into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain again and again
oh please God have mercy, please make it end!!!
Finally he stops and heads for the door.
And there I lay motionless, sprawled out on the floor
My name is Shaun, I am age three
And tonight .....my daddy murdered me !!

By: Shaun J. Matz

Als note heeft hij er bij geschreven:

This may be one of the only times you'll read my words outside of its usual poetic form, but my reasoning for this is to quickly explain the following poem and my reason for writing it.
You see, the poem that follows reflects in a way what I went through as a child and I pray it will give you who have children the same feeling it has given me, you see I've spent most of my life trying to understand why my parents treated me the way they did and how it has had an impact on my life even though now I am a grown man the scares still remain both physical and emotional. I pray this poetic depiction of my childhood abuse opens the eyes of those of you who have children and realize that children are like fine china, break if not handled with love, affection and caring. This poem has opened my eyes and heart and all I am hoping is it does the same for everyone else.

Shaun J. Matz